Mark Armstrong

Second Chance

During the summer of 1982, specific events in my life triggered the onset of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder symptoms. Over the course of the next four years my ruminating thoughts increased, and surprisingly to me, manifested into new behavioral patterns in my life. Patterns such as, feeling as if I would be contaminated by others if they touched me or vice versa, to compulsive hand washing to thoughts of people poisoning my food, which resulted in severe weight loss. Eventually, my symptoms, along with my physical condition, progressed to such a debilitating degree, that they consumed my life. I felt trapped and isolated. I could not understand nor explain what was causing this chaotic lifestyle. Every day felt like I was a soldier in a foxhole, living in fear, wondering when I was to die. Subsequently I sought professional help.

After hearing the diagnosis from the doctor, I experienced a sense of relief. For the first time, I learned what was happening to me and I had the reassurance that I was not losing my mind. The difficult part to accept was that no cure was available. Only medication, which could control my symptoms.

For the next fifteen months, I was hospitalized. After , the first three months, I experienced a euphoric high which I hadn't experienced in five years. I thought "Great! The medication is working. Now all I have to do is wean myself off this medication and I'll be able to return to the life I longed for". Unfortunately that was not to be the case. Shortly after I got off the medications, I crashed, and it took the remainder of my hospital stay to recover to a somewhat functional lifestyle. Medication helped to a certain degree, but what I wanted was my life to return to the way it had been, and the medication could not accomplish that.

When I was discharged from the hospital, I tried to regain some level of quality in my life, but it wasn't going to be immediate. For the next five years, I slowly rebuilt my life, new friends, and new jobs - but there was a darkness inside of me, a crucial part of my life was missing. I called this missing link "the lost piece of the puzzle". This frustration I lived with from day to day was a symptom of what I learned later to be, was of myself not emerging into the person that I was destined to be. God has given everyone a purpose in life; my purpose was not being fulfilled.

Towards the end of the five years after being discharged from the hospital, my life appeared normal. I was able to return to a functional lifestyle and my compulsive nature became controllable and at times non-existent. During the summer of 1993, my father invited me to attend the Kushi Summer Conference on Macrobiotics held in Poultney, Vermont . He had already been macrobiotic for about one and a half years, and I noticed that when I visited my parents the whole food dishes he prepared had a calming effect on me. My body could digest the food better than the fast food I prepared or ate when dining out. Because of the conference, I applied for the work study program, and soon found myself at the Kushi Institute in Becket, Massachusetts.

As any newcomer to macrobiotics will find, there is a whole new understanding of food, our bodies, the environment and the unique language used. Considering the quality of life I had for the last 11 years, I was willing to give it a try. Within my first two weeks, I had already noticed a significant change. This, I was told, was the cleansing process. All the years of North American eating habits, which are toxic forming, were slowly starting to be replaced by a new way of nourishment. So I continued my daily regime, which consisted of a healthy working environment, having three balanced meals a day, and getting plenty of rest.

By the sixth week, I was feeling better than I had ever felt. My physical stamina was amazing, my mental clarity was at its best, and emotionally I was very stable. Spiritually I felt fulfilled and, all remnants of OCD were gone. For the first time in 11 years, my life returned to how I remembered it. When my parents visited Becket they were so moved by the new me that my mother began to cry. They both could not get over how vibrant and healthy I looked.

For the remainder of my stay in Massachusetts I continued to eat macrobiotically and the experience had such an impact that I never returned to the North American way of eating. Over the last six years I have not had any relapse of OCD and feel in control of all aspects of my life, a direct result of eating a balanced diet of whole unadulterated foods.

Mark Armstrong